Mad World
This will be, perhaps, the most surreal post that I've made or will make. The immediate impetus for the post is that I just finished watching Donnie Darko, which has put me in a particularly odd space, mentally. Especially given my last day of work.
The story may or may not be forthcoming, I'm tired of telling it and talking about it, but the short version is that the gas station where I work was robbed two nights ago at gunpoint. Yes, I was there. No, no one was hurt.
But, like I said, I'm in a weird headspace at the moment. So if you don't like very esoteric descriptions of things, and delving into weirdness, close your browser window now.
How do you teach a child to multiply? While this question seems very simple, there is more going on behind the scenes, something that I think is the foundation of a lot of human interaction. The person you're speaking to has no frame of reference with which to determine what to do, or what you're saying. So you make every attempt to put it into that frame of reference. To make them understand on their level, while not knowing at all what that particular level is.
An experience such as being robbed is almost surreal. People tell me all the time that time slows, that a minute passes and it seems like it takes forever. People tell me that they freeze, that they can't think, that they can't breathe. None of these things happened to me.
As I stood there, watching my coworker deal with this situation, my mind was clear. Time passed no faster than normal. I did nothing, but not out of any lock out, as was described to me. It was because I assessed the situation, and found it the best way to get out of it.
But over the course of the past day and a half, I have had to relate this story to numerous people, and no one understands. Even people who have been robbed (two of our coworkers were last year,) don't understand. They don't have the same frame of reference I do. They can understand the fear, the nerves, they can understand things which we all experience, but they cannot understand what was happening to me. No one can. That makes me feel very much alone.
Two analogies to bring up here on this topic, meditate, and find peace. The easier to describe one is this: How do people born deaf think? Being half deaf myself, that question has particular meaning for me, but allow me to explain farther. When we think, and everyone I have talked to has justified this, we, in a sense, speak to ourselves. We hear our language. This is why speaking other languages is difficult, because that is not the way you think. A person who is born deaf cannot speak to himself. He has no concept of what speaking is. There are those who say they think in images, or even sign language. But, for myself, I have no idea how they think to themselves.
The second, vastly more difficult analogy to describe is this. What if we're all the same person, and it is only the way that our brain processes the same information that creates the differences between us? As an example: My favorite color is green, if your favorite color is red, then that is a difference, no? What if the color that you perceive as green is actually red? In that sense, we both have the same favorite color, we simply perceive that color on different objects.
Things to think about. I don't think there's entirely a realistic application of this line of thinking other than this. It is easy to become frustrated with the thoughts and actions of someone else, through lack of understanding. In the end, we are all the same biological entities, more or less (I'm sure most of you can hear out of your right ear). The only real difference between you and me, is that I know that you are you, and I am me. And true understanding only comes when you change that. When I tell myself that I am you, and I follow your thoughts and feelings, only then do I understand you.
There needs to be a little more of that, I think. I'll get to work on it.
The story may or may not be forthcoming, I'm tired of telling it and talking about it, but the short version is that the gas station where I work was robbed two nights ago at gunpoint. Yes, I was there. No, no one was hurt.
But, like I said, I'm in a weird headspace at the moment. So if you don't like very esoteric descriptions of things, and delving into weirdness, close your browser window now.
How do you teach a child to multiply? While this question seems very simple, there is more going on behind the scenes, something that I think is the foundation of a lot of human interaction. The person you're speaking to has no frame of reference with which to determine what to do, or what you're saying. So you make every attempt to put it into that frame of reference. To make them understand on their level, while not knowing at all what that particular level is.
An experience such as being robbed is almost surreal. People tell me all the time that time slows, that a minute passes and it seems like it takes forever. People tell me that they freeze, that they can't think, that they can't breathe. None of these things happened to me.
As I stood there, watching my coworker deal with this situation, my mind was clear. Time passed no faster than normal. I did nothing, but not out of any lock out, as was described to me. It was because I assessed the situation, and found it the best way to get out of it.
But over the course of the past day and a half, I have had to relate this story to numerous people, and no one understands. Even people who have been robbed (two of our coworkers were last year,) don't understand. They don't have the same frame of reference I do. They can understand the fear, the nerves, they can understand things which we all experience, but they cannot understand what was happening to me. No one can. That makes me feel very much alone.
Two analogies to bring up here on this topic, meditate, and find peace. The easier to describe one is this: How do people born deaf think? Being half deaf myself, that question has particular meaning for me, but allow me to explain farther. When we think, and everyone I have talked to has justified this, we, in a sense, speak to ourselves. We hear our language. This is why speaking other languages is difficult, because that is not the way you think. A person who is born deaf cannot speak to himself. He has no concept of what speaking is. There are those who say they think in images, or even sign language. But, for myself, I have no idea how they think to themselves.
The second, vastly more difficult analogy to describe is this. What if we're all the same person, and it is only the way that our brain processes the same information that creates the differences between us? As an example: My favorite color is green, if your favorite color is red, then that is a difference, no? What if the color that you perceive as green is actually red? In that sense, we both have the same favorite color, we simply perceive that color on different objects.
Things to think about. I don't think there's entirely a realistic application of this line of thinking other than this. It is easy to become frustrated with the thoughts and actions of someone else, through lack of understanding. In the end, we are all the same biological entities, more or less (I'm sure most of you can hear out of your right ear). The only real difference between you and me, is that I know that you are you, and I am me. And true understanding only comes when you change that. When I tell myself that I am you, and I follow your thoughts and feelings, only then do I understand you.
There needs to be a little more of that, I think. I'll get to work on it.
posted by Kindralas at 9:18 AM
3 Comments:
MAN... you have a shooting at work, and then you somehow decide to watch Donnie Darko? Don't you have Shrek or Caddyshack or something? No, I guess you don't.
I hope it's getting easier to deal with this incident as time gives you some perspective. Shit, that really sounded parental, sorry.
Honestly, I've not had a really bad time of dealing with it. First off, not a shooting. No one got shot. Second off, I've had a remarkably clear head about all this. Yes, going to work is a little more nerve-wracking than it used to be, but other than my head being on a swivel, not much has changed.
For the most part, I'm okay. Very little to no post-traumatic stress. It's not like I'm avoiding the whole thing, just that it seems more like a bad dream. I think about it, and don't like immediately get all panicky or anything.
Like I said, was in a weird mood when I made this post. :) I watched Donnie Darko because I've watched it three times, all while playing DAoC, so I missed several crucial parts of the story. I didn't want to talk to anyone that day, so I decided I'd watch a movie. Being the only one I haven't watched like 10 times, that was the one.
Wasn't really in a comedic mood, either. I think that movie was a particularly good one to watch at the time. Very thought provoking, easy to take my mind off things, but at the same time, many themes and information that I could relate to my current situation.
Okay cool, that's different. Well done. :)
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